TESTING

I’m livin’ on sexy elephant!

For weeks this song had me perplexed everytime I hear it:

“So I pull my face,
it’s something I know,
I’m livin’ on sexy elephant!
But I tired of hole and nothing to hold,
I’m livin’ on sexy elephant,
And it’s hard to learn, and it’s hard to love,
I’m giving me sexy elephant!
Sweet elephant! Sweet elephant!
You’re giving me sexy elephant!”

Then I found out the correct lyrics.

Oh, so…no livin’ on sensuous, passionate, voluptuous elephants then?

Well that’s a damper.

I don’t care about you, but imma continue livin’ on this sexy, sweet elephant!

I thought this was going to be a good, relaxing day…

I had a rare, free day today so I decided to grab meself a bowl of chocolate icecream (been sweltering here in Australia) and settle to some TV.

I watched the first two episodes of the show Amish: Out of Order a few months ago, and knowing that I won’t have much free time over the following months, I put it on Series Link and Record. FYI, this is not at all the same as Breaking Amish series, which has been revealed to be a fraud. This program follows the journey of Amish youths quitting their community to join the English world, and the challenges they face.

So this morning I had about 5 episodes waiting for me.

This boy, in particular, struck a chord with me. Unlike most of his newly-free Amish brethren, he wasn’t out to be hedonistic at all. He wanted freedom to live his own life, while still retaining the Amish sense of industry and thrift. He immediately kicked a maternal instinct in me: one day I want to have a son just like him, believing in the value of hard work.

Cephas lives near Booneville, Missouri, in a shack he built with his brother Gideon. The shack has no running water and houses the two brothers until they can save up enough money for other arrangements. A gifted craftsman and builder, Cephas’s dreams outshine many of the ex-Amish, and the hot, sweaty hours he toils in an Oklahoma oil field only serve to further his main aspiration, which is to be a millionaire by the time he’s 25. Cephas’s idealism matches his self-confidence, and none of his ex-Amish friends doubt he will achieve anything he puts his mind to. [x]

Cephas Yoder. Making and saving enough money to buy yourself a house at 19 is pretty impressive. Here he is. If he sounds a bit on the simple side, bear in mind that the kid is ex-Amish and was newly out, and not yet that worldly

So me and my bowl of icecream, we sat down to watch us some TV. Feeling like a proud mother/grandmother whenever I see Cephas doing good for himself. “This boy will go miles”, I tell my icecream bowl. “I like his attitude”.

And then in one episode, I found out that he…passed away.

G.

T.

F.

O.

So I rewind and paid attention. Surely, they didn’t mean Cephas Yoder, right? Surely, it is some other Cephas, or another Yoder, that I came to understand being a very common Amish name?

No. It was my Cephas Yoder. The one I was rooting for. The one I hoped so hard to succeed. The young man I want my future sons to be like.

Mo. driver killed as car hits deer near Medicine Lodge

The News staff

MEDICINE LODGE - A Missouri teen was killed when his vehicle hit a deer and rolled down an embankment.

Cephas Yoder, 19, of Boonville, Mo., was driving a 1997 Saturn westbound on U.S. 160 about 5:15 a.m. when his car hit the deer. He lost control and the car hit the south guardrail. The car rolled down the embankment, and Yoder, who was not wearing a seat belt was thrown, according to the Kansas Highway Patrol.

Yoder died at the scene. [x]

WHY DID HE NOT WEAR HIS SEATBELT?!?!?!?

I am so heartbroken right now.

If you’re here to find out who the heck I am…

…because it seems like I have been ‘spam-liking’ your posts…

…fear not.

I’m not some psycho. I’m just some psycho a person who had been away from teh Tumblr interwebs when life gets in the way, and now I have time to sit down and breath, I’m back to browsing my favourite people. People on Tumblr seems to update their Tumblr every 3 nanoseconds so I’m bound to be ‘liking’ stuffs every 3 nanoseconds too.

So. Fear not. (MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! *feminine giggle*)

Total Eclipse of The Heeeaaarrrttttt

                            

What’s happening this morning?

Well, I’m wearing this for a start:

Totally correct solar eclipse glasses, so I don’t burn my already damaged retinas. Don’t mind my face, it’s 5.30am and I just got out of bed an hour ago.

I’ll be watching the 2012 Solar Eclipse from the comfort of my pool deck, thankfully. So excited. The only bummer is the Gold Coast will only experience about 80% of the solar eclipse.

Cairns, about 12 hours from here, will experience total eclipse. If you’re interested, can watch the livestream here.

‘Revolution’ makes pathetic TV, but it does get you thinking…

So for several weeks now, I’ve been watching this show:

Basically, the premise of the show is “What would happen if the world blacks out? If no one have electricity? How will humankind survive this new world without technology?”

At least, those are the issues I HOPED it would tackle. And a lot of my friends who are survivalist and bushkids were looking forward to it. Me? I just like a good ‘ol ‘we-descended-into-anarchy-and-now-we’re-dystopiac vibe, a theme not often seen on weekly TV show.

Unfortunately, the show is more “Days of Our Lives Dystopian style” rather than “humankind will prevail because we’re cool” type of thing. Heck, it’s not even a proper dystopia, which makes me lose interest very fugging quickly.

We quit watching the show one by one, with me being first because I’m not much of a TV person to begin with. Others have been giving it several chances now but the verdict is not much different from our original “it sucks!” verdict. So, point is, don’t watch it if you have other important and ENJOYABLE things to do. If you’re bored to the point that you’re wanting to gouge your eyes out, only then may this be enjoyable to you.

BUT, there is a lesson here somewhere.

We are so used to electricity powering our lives. In some parts of the world electricity powers sewer system and water flow. Our ATM machines, financial operations, medical equipments, telecommunication devices…all run on electricity.

We should seriously ask ourselves this question: if one day electricity system fail—and I’m not talking pseudo-scientifically like solar flares and whatnot, I’m talking due to natural disasters or something even basic and simpler like you not paying your electricity bills—then how long before we cave in?

I myself have never actually thought about this seriously. In fact, I should. There are only 3 phone numbers I memorize: my mum’s, my Man’s and myself. I don’t have a copy anywhere else, so f I lose my phone, I lose my access to other friends. I don’t know the actual address of friends who don’t live in my town. I don’t even have most of my recipes written down anywhere…if computers go obsolete, there goes my huge bank of recipes. :0

Maybe it’s time to put things in papers nowadays…

It occured to me that I might be a boring person…

Stolen from vividtrickster:

You are in high school. 
You dropped out of high school.
You live within 20 minutes of your best friend. (I live WITH him, and our 2 dogs).
You live within 20 minutes of the last person you kissed. (Ditto)
You live within 20 minutes of your ex.
You have been to the movies within the last week.
You have hugged someone in the last 48 hours.
You have had 3 or more boyfriends/girlfriends just this year.
You have been a designated driver. (Always, because I don’t drink. Ok, I do, but not often and not much.)
You have broken merchandise and not paid for it.
You have played strip poker.
You are Catholic.
You are Atheist. (I’m both!)
You recycle regularly.
You have dated a blonde. 
You are friends with a redhead.
You are taller than your mum.
You have a bank account. 
You’ve written a check for less than $5.
You have visited the Statue of Liberty.
You have visited the Eiffel Tower.
You have visited Big Ben.
You have visited the Colosseum.
You have visited The Great Wall of China.
You have never been out of the country.
You have been a waiter/waitress.
You own a Bible.
You own something with a Pentagram on it.
You have used a Ouija Board. (This goes against one of my Chinese beliefs. The spirits should be respected and left alone)
You have been a witch for Halloween. (Not widely celebrated in Australia, and never celebrated in Malaysia.)
You have been a zombie for Halloween.
You have your eyebrow pierced.
You have a Monroe piercing.
You have your nose pierced.
You have no tattoos.
You have more than 5 tattoos.
You straighten your hair.
You have worn a dress in the last 3 days.
You live somewhere that gets snow. (SADFACE!)
You celebrate Hanukkah.
You were at your own house last New Year’s.
You were at a bar last New Year’s.
You can’t remember last New Year’s.

You slept through last New Year’s.

You have worked on Christmas Eve.

You have worked on Christmas.
You have been told ‘I love you’ by someone today.
You were told by someone who’s not family.
You slept in your own bed last night.
You are in a relationship with the last person you kissed.
You regret kissing the last person you kissed. 
You are wearing a necklace right now.
You are wearing something red.
You are wearing something blue.
You are wearing something purple.
Your phone number ends with an even number.
You have kissed the last person you called/texted.
You are currently listening to music.

You are waiting for something.
You don’t like seafood. (I love seafood!)
You have eaten deer sausage. 
You have given a complete stranger your phone number.
You have been hit on at work.
You have been hit on by someone more than 20 years older than you.
You have been whistled at.
You have been creeped out by it.
You were dating someone in December of 2008.
You are still dating that person.
You have cheated on someone.
You have been cheated on.
You have been on a cruise ship.
You have camped out in your own backyard.
You are wearing something that doesn’t belong to you.
You are a Pisces.
You are an Aquarius.
You are a Leo.
You wonder what will happen when you die.
You are afraid of the dark.
You have been told you have nice handwriting.
You have had a song written for you. 
You have had a picture drawn of you.
You have curly hair.
You are wearing a watch.
You are wearing flip flops.
You wouldn’t date someone who smoked.
You know someone with the same birthday as you. (I was in the same class and was close friends with my ‘twin’ for 6 years, our mothers competed which of us would be born first. He won by a few measly hours, lol!)
You slept in past 10 am today. 
You have big plans for next weekend.
You are thinking of someone right now.
Your job is stressing you out.
You don’t have a job.
You have never had a job.
You were fired from your last job.
You know sign language. (Only sign alphabets.)
You will usually try something at least once.
You have been swimming in the last month.
You are pessimistic by nature. (No, I’m annoyingly optimistic)
You have taken a ballet class.
You have taken karate.  (But Muay thai and taekwondo, baby!)
You have taken gymnastics.
You wish on shooting stars. (Never seen one…:(…)
You wish at 11:11.
Your birthday has already come this year. 
You have been in a relationship that lasted longer than a year.
You ended your last relationship.
Your ex ended your last relationship.
You aren’t over your ex. [complicated]
You have gone after someone you knew was bad for you.
You were/are a teenage mom. 
You were named after someone.
You like your name.
Your last drink was water.
You have visited somewhere said to be ‘haunted’.
You have skipped school just because you didn’t feel like going.
You have taken medicine when you ‘feel a headache coming on’.
You are self-conscious about your body.
You have a hangover.
You have a pet fish.
You have had a Jehovah’s Witness show up at your house.
You have godparents.
Your parents are still married.
You have step-siblings.
You are the oldest.
You are adopted.
You have a twin.
You don’t want kids.
You want more than four kids.
You have a bad temper.
You usually make the first move in an intimate situation.
You have made out with a complete stranger.
You have worked with a Kayla. (Ok, close. She’s actually a Kylah, but I kept mispronouncing her name for weeks…BAHA!)
You have gone to the movies with a Jared.
You have hugged a Lexie. 
You have held hands with a Marcus. 
You have dated a Rachel. 
You have broken your arm.
You have had to get stitches on your face.
You have had an MRI.
Your fingernails are painted.
You like to draw.
You like to sing. 
You can play an instrument
You keep a lot of secrets from people.
You don’t think people would accept you if they really got to know you.
You don’t trust people easily.
You borrowed something you really need to give back to someone.
You drive a car older than a 2002.
You have lost a friend you never thought you would. 
You know a child who died of cancer. (Leukimia, also the same person for above).
You knew a teenager who died in a car wreck. (How about a few teenagers? Their school bus got into a terrible crash with a huge truck.).
You have done something illegal in the past 24 hours.
You have cut your hair in the last week.
You wear glasses.
Your favorite season is Autumn.
Your favorite color is orange.
Your favorite animal is a dolphin.
You last rode in a car with a relative.
You last rode in a car with a girl.
You last rode in a car with the person you are dating. 
You regularly watch Asian dramas. (Not since I’ve been in Australia. :(…)
You love Chinese food.
Your best friend is older than you.
You have to go to school/work tomorrow.
You answered every question truthfully.

I have them; they are all I need. :)

The weather is starting to warm up, so we have been letting the dogs sleep outside. Every now and then though, we’d miss them being indoors, so every few weeks or so, they get one or two nights indoors. We usually let them in at night, so in order to maximise this time with them, we’ll drag the swag mattress (as in camping swag, not gangsta swag!) and sleep in the lounge with them.

Little Fergus creeping to sleep beside Dad, the moment Mama wakes up and head to the shower. :P

Part 1: Drifting

Warning: Mild, everyday profanity. No more than your usual movie-quantity profanities, but if you have delicate sensibilities, then I have done right by you with this warning. Right?

Based on this writing prompt from writeworld. If you’re interested enough, feel free to click ‘read more’ after the cut. :) Feedbacks (good, bad, “here are some improvements”, “stop writing!”) are always welcomed.

 

A floating house, well, I’ll be. Fucking salvation, that’s what it was.

We have been drifting in the tiny dighy for nearly a week now since the tsunami. The dinghy was a lifesaver, but now, stress and cramped spaces are starting to take its toll on the five of us. Damo and Baz already fought twice within this hour, over some long-forgotten and trivial misunderstandings, now suddenly remembered because there is not much entertainment to be had in a tiny dinghy, and old memories have a habit of coming back to you in times of quiet.  Their tussles violently rocking the dinghy, threatening to throw all of us overboard, so we had to pry them apart.

Damo was snotting blood—broken nose, probably—my doing, from my effort in kicking them apart. He was shocked at first, at the realization that I, his best mate since practically birth, had assaulted him. And then rage swept his face. I’m sure he was about to lunge at me when Maria yelled, “House, ahoy!”

She has a strange sense of humour, this quiet girl. Sometimes I wonder if it came from the fact that English is her second language, after Filipino. Don’t get me wrong, her English is perfect. Slightly accented, perhaps, but perfect. Regardless, she sometimes can get English expressions wrong.

But no matter, she was right. It was a house, and it was within sight.

Lynn, my sometimes-most-times girlfriend, took a break from her constant sobbing and looked shock instead. It was not the best of expression, but it was a big improvement from her morose expression. Barely a week into our dilemma and already I forgot how I ever found this girl attractive. Right now, her depression and defeatist attitude is so cloying.

“That’s…that’s old Miguel’s house,” she whispered. “Oh, I hope he is not…”, then she broke down again. Fuck me, this girl stores gallons of tears or what? Could have used all that tear water for drinking water.

“Crazy old man Miguel?” Barry said. “How d’you know this his house? Plenty of houses look like this.”

“He is NOT a crazy old man!” Lynn shrieked. “He is a nice old guy, he was just lonely, that’s all! Everyone is crazy to you, because YOU ARE THE FUCKING SANEST PERSON, AREN’T YOU, you fuck of a pri…” She was shrieking and sobbing alternately, both in irritatingly epic, hysterical proportion that if she doesn’t stop soon, I’m gonna have to chuck her out of this dighy. See how she shrieks and sob when she’s drowning, that’ll teach her.

For fuck sake, I’m going crazy too. Less than two weeks ago, my mind was constantly preoccupied on fucking the fuck out of this goddess. Now, this goddess is becoming an annoying hag. Mum told me once that if ever I am ready to settle down, I must first drive  the girl I’m with to the point of high stress, because “that will show you what kind of a hag she will be ten years into the marriage, after bills, mortgages and three kids. If you can stand that hag she is, marry her. If you find it irritating, annoying, grating, then don’t marry her.”  

Safe to say I ain’t marrying this one, then, Ma.

Fuck, can’t think about me Ma now, or I will be breaking down in tears too.

Focus, grasshopper. Focus.

Read More

Paracord Bracelet

[EDIT: Reblog-able version of this post here, for those of you who want this on your blog without including my ramblings!]

Paracord bracelet? I never knew such a thing existed!

I was at my local outdoor store to buy new hiking shoes. Just as I entered through the automatic sliding doors, my vision caught a bargain bin full of colourful things.

Now this, ladies and gentlemen, is good marketing and baiting tactic, especially if your customers are so easily distracted by shiny, colourful, bargain things.

Like me, for example.

So, of course I beelined to the bin, promptly forgetting my hiking boots mission. Because why not, right? It’s a bargain bin FILLED with colourful things, people! Like Mini IKEA! Excuse me while I bargain-bin-colourful-things-gasm here, at this corner here. Oh yeeaaaah baaaaybeee….Now, if IKEA have bargain bins, it’ll be like a threesome..ooooohh…..yeeaaaaaah….

I’m back.

Anyway, the content of the bargain bin: bracelets. EH?

The sign over the bin was something like this:

Not the least bit informative, but I suppose the idea of the sign is to get you excited, not informed.

“WOW! ONLY 3 DOLLARS? THAT IS GREAT VALUE! IT SO FUNNY HOW YOU ALSO POINT OUT THE GREAT VALUE OF THIS $3 PRODUCT, MR. SIGNAGE! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE SELLING HERE, BUT I AM SO DAMN EXCITED BECAUSE YOUR SIGN IMPLY THAT I SHOULD BE!”

Or maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m the only person in the universe who does not know what the heck a paracord bracelet is, and how it looks like. But seriously man, if you had the time and space to impound on the ‘great value’ of the product, maybe you should also make space (on the signage) to tell us hoi polloi WHAT THE EFF the item is supposed to be.

Anyway. So my hardcore outdoor store selling bracelets is a bit out of character. They do sometimes…but usually for charity. Like those Daffodil Day Bracelets, or Breast Cancer Awareness bracelets, sometimes the AIDS bracelet…but those are always identified as so.

“What are these?” I asked the nearest sales assistant, praying that I did not just ask a stupid question. Praying that these bracelets are more than just bracelets, that I just didn’t ask a sales assistant what bracelets are bracelets…confused yet? You’re welcome.

I don’t know if it was due to good training or bona fide product passion, but before my question was even complete,the sales assistant was ready to rave. “Oh. My. God! You HAVE to have one of these. They’re such great value, they’re SO useful, I don’t know why everyone shouldn’t have this, it should be a staple product!”

Hmm. The mega-excited but uninformative signage. This mega passionate but equally uninformative sales assistant. I’m beginning to see a pattern here…

“So these are bracelets, huh?” Second time the charm, maybe, you know? It sure is politer than what I had in my head: “I love your and Mr. Signage enthusiasm, but I ask again: what the fuck is it?”

“OH, not just ANY bracelets. These are paracords bracelets. 5 feet of paracords braided into bracelets. Isn’t that clever?”

FINALLY, AN ANSWER! And yes, that is a clever idea. And for $3? Bargain.

Remember the passionate sales assistant who is now more informative than the signage? He is also now becoming ‘demonstrative’. We’re now full of adjectives, aren’t we?

So this now demonstrative sales assistant took one bracelet out of the bin and proceeded to show me how to unravel it, in case I ever need it. I was very properly impressed. By properly impressed, I mean I made the most appropriate bimboistic noises along the lines of “owh mai gawd, will you look at that!” and a sprinkle of “uh hmm”, “ah yeah”, “oooooh” here and there for good measure.

Why? Because that is not what I’m really interested in. I know how to unravel things, anyone knows that. But he’s very passionate and he’s taking the time to show me the benefits of this product that I didn’t have the heart to cut to the chase.

What I’m more interested in, since finding out what this product was, was how to braid it back together.

So after my polite show of being properly impressed, I asked the sales assistant that very question, also properly disguised in bimboitic naive nonchalance: “Oh. My. God. That IS awesome. Now, if I wanna braid it back again, how do I do it?”

Let’s cut to the chase here: I didn’t get that answer from the sales assistant.

In the spirit of wanting to be more helpful than the sales assistant, here is a link on how to make your own paracord bracelet. Or if you already have a paracord bracelet, how to re-braid it back into a bracelet.

The above pic is a sample from Stormdrane’s blog. Since I did not make this tutorial and I want readers to learn from the master himself (and to thank him, because he’s more useful than my sales assistant) I cut the instructional pictures halfway. His blog is worth a look, because here are some of the more cooler things you can make by braiding paracords:

So there you go! Now you can buy a paracord bracelet without worrying how you’re going to re-braid it again once you’ve used it. Or better yet, make your own. :D

[EDIT: Reblog-able version of this post here, for those of you who want this on your blog without including my ramblings!]