I’m sorry, Joffrey. I know the rumour is that your uncle Jaime is your father. Your mother confirmed it to everyone but you.
However much you prefer to be a Lannister, at this stage you’re more of a Baratheon.
You’re petty and whingey and embrassing,like your uncle Stannis (the one in the book. The one on TV is not as petty and whingey and embarassing, it does not make for interesting television).
You’re also borderline gay like your Baratheon uncle, Renly, what’s with you flapping about and whining loudly in that grating voice of yours. Most of the time, you reminds me of the campy Jack McFarland, who is sonot kingly (because he prefers to be a Queen)!
Listen to Jack, Joffrey. Anger does not become you.
I have a feeling your regal and scary grandfather might want to exchange you for a particular Malfoy boy instead.
See? Already looking kingly, and not even sitting on an Iron Throne. This is just a leather couch, Joffrey. Learn from this kid. He chose to go to Hogwarts to continue his wizarding education, thus giving you leave to sit on that Iron Throne. Remember that, and remember to send him a thank you note for his kindness.
Because I always give credits
Picture of Smug Little Shit, from NowPublic.
Jack McFarland chastising someone from, FuckYeahWillandGrace Tumblr
And the Slytherin boys in their common room, from The Harry Potter Lexicon